Crystal Ball: Predicting the NFL Playoffs

By Clark Schmutz

There is nothing quite as fun as trying to predict the outcomes of sporting events.  Well, I guess it is fun, when you don’t have money riding on the outcome and your favorite team is winning.  This post will be for fun.  If you decide to use its powers of prognostication, to win some money, then chances are you won’t find it very fun, or funny.  But I’m going to strive for both.  At least my mom will like it.  Thanks mom.  She’s not much of a gambler anyways.

Wild Cards

Cincinnati Bengals at Houston Texans

Most of the NFL fans I have chatted with about this game are picking the Bengals to upset the Texans at Reliant stadium.  This is going to be a great game with some big plays on offense and defense, and probably it’s fair share of mistakes with two rookie quarterbacks starting.  But given the fact that the Texans are at home, they are getting healthier with the returns of Arian Foster and Andre Johnson, mixed with Cedric Benson’s recent case of the dropsies in tight situations, I am giving the slight edge to the home team.

Prediction:  Houston Texans 20, Cincinnati Bengals 16

Detroit Lions at New Orleans Saints

Fireworks, passing yards, touchdowns, blown defensive assignments: it will all be here in New Orleans…except for maybe the fireworks.  I don’t know the rules in a dome.  There will at least be sparklers, I’d imagine.  This is going to be the most entertaining game of the weekend…for 2 and a half quarters, until the Saints blow it open.  But I’m predicting 7 total passing touchdowns and 4 picks between the teams.  Unfortunately, Detroit’s Matthew Stafford will throw 3 of those picks.

Prediction:  New Orleans Saints 47, Detroit Lions 31

Atlanta Falcons at New York Giants

I don’t get how people can get away with calling Eli Manning an elite quarterback.  Maybe it’s his last name, or the super bowl he lucked into.   Eli is Tim Tebow with a pedigree and better fundamentals.  But it isn’t surprising to see Eli go 13-29 with 2 picks in the first 3 quarters, only to lead the team to a late minute touchdown and the win.  So which Eli Manning will show up?  Probably both.  Eli and Falcon’s quarterback Matt Ryan are going to have a turnover contest for 45 minutes, and Eli will be less awful at the end of the game.   The Giant’s defensive line is going to keep the Falcons in check and be the difference.  And Victor Cruz will do his salsa dancing in the end zone and we will all be worse off for it. 

Prediction:  New York Giants 16, Atlanta Falcons 10

Pittsburgh Steelers at Denver Broncos

In the holy war between Tim Tebow and Troy Polamalu, in the NFL stadium closest to heaven, there will be a lot of big hits, rushing yards, and Hail Marys (maybe even football ones).  Tim Tebow has been part of some very magical moments, but he also hasn’t had Polamalu or James Harrison breathing down his neck.  I predict one touchdown, 3 turnovers, 2 concussions, a James Harrison fine, and one dirty pair of underwear on Tim Tebow.  Holy $h^&.

Prediction:  Pittsburgh Steelers 13,  Denver Broncos 6

Divisional Playoffs

New Orleans Saints at San Francisco 49ers

Just about every scenario for the NFC is exciting in the playoffs.  With the 49ers potentially meeting the Saints, Lions, or Packers this playoffs, you are going to have some great defense vs offense matchups.  I love what Jim Harbaugh has done in San Francisco this year, but Drew Brees is the right quarterback to be just enough to get his team by the fantastic defense of the niners.  While I am hoping deep down for a 49ers- Packers conference championship, I think the Saints are going to spoil those dreams.

Prediction:  New Orleans Saints 23, San Francisco 49ers 19

Pittsburgh Steelers at New England Patriots

This will be an epic matchup of two football titans.  Roethlisberger vs. Brady.  Gronkowski vs. Polamalu.  Welker vs. Wallace.  The Steel Industry vs. the Fishing Industry.  In the end, I think the short rest and physical matchup with the Denver Broncos 6 days before will be too much of a hindrance for the Steelers to prepare for New England.  The Steelers have the talent to win this game, but the whole weight of the playoffs, plus his own 385 pounds will be resting on the bum ankle of Ben Roethlisberger.

Prediction:  New England Patriots 24, Pittsburgh Steelers 16

Houston Texans at Baltimore Ravens

It was fun while it lasted TJ Yates.  Let’s be honest.  You’re like Kevin Federline.  You’re lucky you got this popular and for this long.  And you both have the same chance of winning the super bowl this year.

Prediction:   Baltimore Ravens 28, Houston Texans 13

New York Giants at Green Bay Packers

This is going to be my craziest pick of the playoffs.  Be warned.  The Giants just have this weird thing going for them.  They are playing their best ball right now.  They are used to the cold weather.  They have the defensive line and the running game to give the Packers some problems.  And Eli Manning’s double stuff oreo commercials probably trump the insurance commercial with Aaron Rodgers.  I’m hesitant to pick the Giants in this one, but I have performed the discount double check and I feel good about it.

Prediction:  New York Giants 24, Green Bay Packers 20

Conference Championships

Baltimore Ravens at New England Patriots

Brady’s hair vs. Flacco’s eyebrows.  That is what this game will be about.  And also the Patriots trying to stop Ray Rice and the Ravens trying to stop the aerial attack of the Patriots.  It’ll be cold.  You’ll be able to see the players’ breaths and Brady is going to work his magic.  The Patriots just have too many weapons this year, even though I think the Ravens are as good as they have ever been.   This will end up being the best game of the two conference championships, by a long shot.  And Chris Collinsworth will be like death to listen to break down the game.  Can’t stand that guy.

Prediction:  New England Patriots 28, Baltimore Ravens 27

New York Giants at New Orleans Saints

New York will be a tough matchup for the Saints, in the same way they will be a tough matchup for the Packers.  But after partying for a week in mental celebration over beating the Packers, the Giants will have a huge letdown in this game.  I mean huge.  Eli will throw two picks and fumble the ball in the first half and break into tears on the sideline.  Drew Brees will throw for 7 touchdowns and then give Eli a hug of comfort at midfield afterward.  Eli will tell Drew that he’s been cutting onions.

Prediction: New Orleans Saints 49 New York Giants 25

Super Bowl

New Orleans vs New England Patriots

If you are a fan of tight ends, then this will be your game, featuring the two best in the business.  Saints’ Jimmy Graham and Patriots’ Rob Gronkowski played hot potato with the all time Tight End receiving yards in a single season during week 16 and this game will have a similar back and forth as both teams trade touchdown passes and the lead.  Ultimately this game will come down to who has the ball last and who turns the ball over the least.  I stole that last line from a “how to predict a football game” website.  Copy and paste, my friends.

Prediction: New England Patriots  38, New Orleans Saints 34

Former Utes in the NFL-how are they perceived?

tah *A Big Thanks to everyone at Niners Nation, Cat Scratch Reader, Baltimore Beat Down, The Phinsider, Mile High Report, Bolts from the Blue, Gang Green Nation, Behind the Steel Curtain, and Battle Red Blog.  Your insights were invaluable.*

              I am one of “those guys”.  I don’t have a favorite NFL team.  Growing up in Utah, it’s hard to really get behind a team.

                I used to cheer for the Titans.  That is because I lived in Houston when they were the Oilers.  I miss the days of Air McNair, Eddie George, Frank Wycheck, the freak, etc.  Now they are so overrun with buffoons, that I renounced my fanship last year.

                Now, I just cheer for guys who played for the U., the University of Utah.

                I have gone around asking fans of NFL teams what they think of our guys.  Some of their responses surprised me.  Some of them were easy to guess.  All of them were thought provoking.  Here is what I found:

                Zane Beadles-OL, Denver:  Broncos fans are a little disappointed in Zane.  The general feeling is that he was drafted too high.  Most feel like he is the weak link in their offensive line and that he will eventually be a utility back up.  Here in Utah, we heard the comparisons to Jordan Gross, and that probably wasn’t fair in hindsight.  Hopefully, Zane can work hard and contribute more to the Broncos.  By the way, I loved it in 2008 and 2009 when 40% of our offensive line was named “Zane”.  “Zane” is a great name for an offensive lineman. 

                Jordan Gross-OL, Carolina:  Panther fans consider him a solid player.  They appreciate his steadiness and leadership.  Some call him a top ten LT, and that is hard to argue with.  Gross played during the Ron McBride era.  Combine that with being an offensive lineman and I am not sure he is as appreciated by Ute fans as he deserves to be, but perhaps I’m wrong.

                Chris Kemoeatu-OL, Pittsburgh:  This was one of the players that surprised me when I read the fan comments.  Many fans were frustrated with him and feel like he would be gone if the offensive line as a whole in Pittsburgh were healthier.  The consensus seemed to be that he is good to very good in the running game, but average to poor in pass protection.  He was also noted for his boneheaded play at times.  (Remember the ’03 UNLV game anyone?)  It seems that “Kemo” as they call him might be on his way out in Pittsburgh.

                Paul Kruger-LB, Baltimore: I’ll be honest; I was confused when the Ravens drafted Kruger in the 2009 draft.  I thought he was way too small to be an end in a 3-4 scheme and not quite fast enough to be an outside linebacker.  I was curious as to why the Ravens would grab a player who seemed a natural for a 4-3 scheme.  Fans seemed to be excited for his potential.  He has come on as of late and seems to have found himself after two years of sparse playing time.  His coaches have raved about his increased abilities.  We always knew he was a hard worker and it seems to be paying off.

                Brice McCain-CB, Houston:  Not a lot of response on this one, and that is because Brice is still mostly a special teams guy.  He made a key interception earlier this year.  Brice is one of those guys who came to Utah and was converted to corner and did fairly well (that one play in 2007 never happened, you hear me?  It never happened………..)

                Koa Misi-LB, Miami:  There is some variance in how Dolphin fans feel about him.  The general feeling is that he is adequate, but not a play-maker yet.  The potential is perhaps there though.  This is only his second year, so he has some time.  And linebacker is a new position for him.  Hopefully, he can figure everything out. 

                Sione Pouha-DT, New York Jets: The hometown kid.  This is the guy who grew up in the shadows of Rice-Eccles Stadium and was a fan favorite during his time here.  Remember the Fiesta Bowl year when he bleached his hair? Good times!  Anyway, Jets fans seem to like him.  He is a run stopper and space eater in their 3-4 alignment.  Some would like him to be more of a factor in the pass-rushing game (ala his good friend Haloti Ngata), but he does his job well. 

                David Reed-WR, Baltimore: Reed has been a kickoff returner in his two seasons with the Ravens.  Many fans considered him to be borderline bust.  He is noted for an occasional nice return, but fans want to see him perform more consistently.  He has been a non-factor in the pass game.  It seems to me and a lot of fans that unless he can stay healthy, he will probably be waived at some point.  Hopefully he can get healthy.  That guy was a beast at Utah.  Just watch the Sugar Bowl or the ’08 BYU game….

                Alex Smith-QB, San Fran.:  Not surprisingly, there are two schools of thought on Smith.  There are some that just want him gone and for the team to move on.  There are others who feel like he always had it, but never had the right situation (I think most Ute fans would argue for this).  No one is really happy with him overall, and no one is ready to jump on his bandwagon quite yet.  But, everyone seems to be pleased with him this season.  It seems that a majority of those who responded are happy that he is having success this year, as he is a really good guy. 

                Sean Smith-CB, Miami:  Dolphin fans are feeling what Utah fans felt during his career here.  Sean is very talented.  But he just makes mistakes out there that just make you want to pull your hair out.  I remember a time in 2008 against TCU.  Had an interception right to him, and he dropped it.  Sean is a pretty good cover guy, but he isn’t the playmaker yet that he has the potential to be.  Still, a lot of teams would love a 6’3”, 214 pound corner who can stay with the big receivers in the game today.  A bit of trivia:  Sean weighed in at 236 pounds on the day of the sugar bowl.  A 236 pound corner?  That’s gotta be a record! 

                Steve Smith-WR, Carolina:  The most glowing praise I saw was heaped upon Smith.  It seems like if he were to run for the Mayor of Charlotte, he would win in a landslide.  Fans were labeling him as the greatest Panther ever.  I love watching Steve Smith.  Even as he gets older, he is still dominating guys who are much bigger.  I am hoping he breaks the record for yards in a season this year.  My only regret is that he played during the Ronnie Mac era.  Can you IMAGINE the numbers he would have put up in Urban’s two years?  Still, one of the all-time great Utes.  Fans also pointed out that it has been nice to see him mature over the years to the point where he is now a well-respected leader.

                Paul Soliai-DL, Miami:  The one word that can be used to sum up Dolphin fans feelings of this mammoth is disappointment.  Soliai cashed in big time this year, and while dominant at times, has not had the overall impact that he did in the past.  Fans feel like he is being paid too much for what little he actually contributes.  I used to love this guy at Utah.  “Thing 1 and Thing 2” with he and Talavou were a nasty combination out there.  

                RJ Stanford-CB, Carolina:  Easily the greatest Ute ever.  Most definitely the greatest Ute alumni in the NFL right now.  RJ is on pace for his first pro bowl this year…and well deserved!  Ok, I kid.  I am amazed (as are some Panther fans) that he has stuck on a roster.  Good for him; he is making more than me.

 

                Stevenson Sylvester-LB, Pittsburgh:  This is another player whose review surprised me.  I have heard that “Sly” has made some plays on special teams, but I had no idea that he was so well respected in Pittsburgh.  A majority of the fans feel that he can start someday, though it’s obvious that right now he hasn’t mastered the position (he has been playing inside for the Steelers, whereas he was a rover at Utah).  I have come to really respect the Pittsburgh franchise because of the way that they have built their team.  They like to keep it in the family and are great at developing players.  I am glad that Sly has found a place where he fits. 

                Eric Weddle-S, San Diego:  My inquiry into Weddle caused a spirited discussion about where Weddle fits as far as top safeties in the league.  Though a consensus was not reached, it is apparent that Weddle is appreciated by Charger fans.  No one seems upset about his contract.  He has really stepped his game up this year and is quickly becoming a force.  For those of us who saw him literally play every position (I am not kidding when I say that I once saw him put his hand down as a down lineman on defense once) at Utah, we knew he would be successful.  And he is just an all-around great guy.  Glad to see that he is having success.  As a side note, I know a zoob who still feels like Eric Weddle is an injury replacement.  I asked him once “so there is some guy, who you can’t name, who has been injured for three years, who will be someday come back and take Weddle’s job away? Right…….”  Zoobs.  You gotta love ‘em.