The Yewts and the Zoobs

A couple weeks back, I posted a link to facebook from Jim Rome.  The subject was “Softball Guy”.  If you haven’t heard it, it’s funny.

                Today, I want to take a similar approach.  I want to explain what a “Yewt” and a “Zoob” is, for those who aren’t in the know. 

                First, a “yewt”.  Like Softball guy, there is a big difference between being a Ute and being a Yewt.  Make the distinction.  A Ute is a fan who cheers for his team through thick and thin.  He only cares about the opponent that’s next on the schedule.  He follows the other teams, but doesn’t care one way or the other.

                There are basically two kinds of “yewts”.  The first is the “disgruntled Utah resident”.  This is the guy who is stuck in Utah because of work.  He didn’t know anything about Utah until he moved here and now he hates it.  Particularly, he hates the Mormon church and the influence it has on local culture.  So even though he went to some school in California, or back east, or wherever, he starts buying Utah things and going to games just so he can yell obscenities at BYU and their fans.  This is the guy who pulls out “polygamy humor” because he thinks it’s still fresh and funny.  This guy goes out of his way to disparage the LDS church, not realizing that a good chunk of Utah fans are LDS themselves.  This guy shows up to every Utah-BYU game, regardless of the sport, and uses it as a chance to vent his frustration in life. 

                The second kind of Yewt is the guy who takes things too seriously, thus ill call him “too serious guy” or TSG. This is the guy who positions himself right by the band so that he can let loose with his clever humor at the other team.  He then texts all of his buddies to tell them what he said, and then he makes up a reaction that never really happened.  For instance, such a text would look like this……

                “Dude!  Im at RES.  Wyoming just came onto the field and I wuz like “Yo!  Where’s Laramie?” lol!  Some moron flipped me off and seven other guys threatened to beat me up! LOL!”

                If you have been to Rice-Eccles, you know that its common for someone to bring a beach ball and hit it around the stadium.  TSG will watch it closely and when it gets close, he will knock over little kids, old people, whoever just to get it and hit back.  When the crowd starts doing the wave, TSG will yell across the stadium at the people who aren’t doing it “the right way”.  TSG is looking to throw down with anyone who wears the opponents colors.  It doesn’t matter who.  If he walks into the bathroom at halftime of a game against Weber St., and he happens to see an 85-year old man washing his hands wearing a Weber shirt, he will walk up to the guy and say “Hey Gramps, why don’t you hit the road before I hit you.” And then he will stare the guy down as he leaves.  

                If as you read this, you are saying to yourself “Ben is a closet Zoob, he is definitely a UINO,(Ute-in-name-only)”, then you are a Yewt.  If you like Utah for no other reason than to hate BYU, you are a Yewt.  If you have ever yelled at someone for doing the “I wish I had some chocolate milk” cheer incorrectly, you are a Yewt.  If you got up at 3 in the morning to go to “College Gameday” last year just so that your “BYU SUCKS!” sign could be seen around the country, you are a Yewt.  

                Now, onto the other definition.  There is likewise a big difference between “BYU fan” and “zoob”.  BYU fan knows his stuff and just wants to cheer for his team.  “Zoob” on the other hand is a different animal all together.

                “Zoobs” can be lumped together in one group.  “Zoob” is the person who changes scriptures to be about BYU athletics.  For instance…..

                “It is written, man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of Dick Harmon.”

                This is the guy who when asked to give the opening prayer in a church meeting, prays for BYU and prays for those who have yet to come to a knowledge of the true team.  This is the person who thinks that being the head coach of the football team at BYU is a church calling, on par with being a member of one of the quorums of seventy.  As such, anything that Bronco says should be treated as though it were a general conference talk.    

                This guy brings a portable radio with him to the game because even though he is there in person, no one quite brings the game to life like Greg Wrubell.  

                This is the BYU co-ed who goes to the games for the social scene and then pretends to know what is going on.  “On my gosh!  Did you see Jimmer throw that touchdown pass!  I can’t believe it!  We are only in the third inning!  Go Cougars!  Vanquish the foe!  Then go forth to serve! Gooooooo team! A ha ha ha ha! I wonder if my home teacher is here!”

                If as you read this, you thought about notifying my bishop because I am clearly on the highway to apostasy, you are a zoob.  If you have ever referred to BYU as “The Lord’s Team” in any way that was not sarcasm, you are a zoob.  If you are thinking “I don’t know anyone who is like that, Ben just hates BYU.”, you are taking this way too seriously.  

                Finally, here are some universal signs that you are a Yewt/Zoob.  

                -If someone tells you an interchangeable joke about your team, and you tell the person that that is “lame” and then you go and tell the same joke, changed to be about the other team, to someone else and laugh your head off, you are a Yewt/Zoob.  Examples of interchangeable jokes:

                “How do you get a Utah/BYU grad off your porch?  You pay them for the pizza and tell them to leave!”

                “What do you call a Utah/BYU fan with half a brain? Gifted!”

                -If you think that everyone in the other fanbase is classless/self-righteous/arrogant/ignorant/drunk, and people in your fanbase are “real fans”, then you are a Yewt/Zoob.  

                -If you refer to the other team as being “little brother”, then you need to punch yourself in the face, and you are a Yewt/Zoob. 

That is so Offensive!

                Last week, I took a look at Utah's defense.  This week, I move to the other side of the ball and make an early assessment of the offense.  As always, feel free to let me know what you think.  Tell me what I missed. 

                  Why Utah's offense could be WORSE this year than it was last year:

                 -Running of the Bulls: Can Harvey Langi, Thretton Palamo, and John White carry the load?  Will Lucky Radley get any playing time?  All question marks at a critical position.  How well these guys do will have a MAJOR impact on how well this team does.  Potentially, this group could be better than their predecessors eventually, but until further notice, this is a question mark. 


                -Replacing of the Guard:  Our starting guards will be new this year.  Caleb “Slaughterhouse” Schlauderoff will be playing in the NFL.  Zane Taylor’s departure has caused right guard Tevita Stevens to move over to center.  A mix of Jeremiah Tofeaono, Percy Taemoelau, Isaac Asiata, Sam Brenner, Benji Kemoeatu, and Po'u Palelei.    

            -Better to give than to receive: Jereme Brooks and Shaky Smithson have moved on.  DeVonte Christopher is the lone returning receiver with significant experience.  We know he is talented, and it appears that he has now fully embraced his position.  What we don’t know is how he’ll react to being the number one guy.  Behind him is guys full of inexperience.  Dres Anderson, Kenneth Scott, Anthony Denham and Dexter Ransom will be asked to contribute this year.

                -Put your shoulder to the wheel:  We have no idea how Jordan Wynn’s shoulder will hold up.  We do know that it will be a target of opposing defenses.  Jordan has never been terribly accurate on his long balls, and it will be interesting to see how this shoulder problem affects that.  If Wynn goes down, the team could be in trouble. 

                Why Utah could be BETTER on offense this year……….

                -You can’t teach an old dog new tricks:  But do you have to when you have Norm Chow?  Some say the game has passed Chow by.  Some say his struggles at UCLA were not his fault.  At any rate, his offense is far better suited to the strengths of Jordan Wynn than the spread was.  Wynn will not be asked to run the option anymore (thank goodness!). 

                -Paying the Ransom:  Dexter Ransom came to the team toward the end of fall camp last season.  As such, he never quite caught his stride.  This season, he enters camp having gone through a full season and spring ball.  He knows the playbook better and will be able to contribute more.  Ransom was a highly-sought player.  He has great value to a team like Utah in a pro-style offense.  He is bigger and stronger (6’3”, 221) than almost all corners/safeties.  He is a guy who you can throw the ball to and he can use that size and strength to beat defenders for the ball.  Every offense needs the “possession guy” to open the field for the playmakers.  Additionally, look for his blocking to be a great addition in the open field. 

                -Dude, that is so tight!: For the last two years, we have been hearing about how Kendrick Moeai and the tight ends are going to be more utilized, and it really hasn’t been the case.  This year, look for a more experienced Moeai to thrive.  He has the physical tools to be dominant.  In the pro-style system, he will be used more.  If he can add that dimension, he will take pressure off of everyone. 

                In all, this offense has potential.  A lot will have to come together, but this offense can really grow this year and be absolutely dominant next year if the pieces come together.  While the experience is not there across the board, the talent level is high.  Look for progress to be made throughout the year.  Also look for some early season rough patches. 

                All told, this is an exciting part of the Ute football team.

Utah football (early!) season preview-The Defense!

               We are just under two months away from football.  I know its still a while, but I just wanted to put this up because I want to get some discussion going about UTAH FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!

                So, here is my first (of probably many) posts about the football team this year.  Today, I look at the defense. 

                Why Utah’s defense could be WORSE this year than it was last year……

                -Zero returning starters in the secondary.  Brandon Burton declared for the NFL draft early and will be freezing his butt off in Minnesota this winter.  Lamar Chapman and Justin Taplin-Ross graduated.  Brian Blechen moved to linebacker.  That leaves a lot of question marks. 

                -John Peese is no longer the defensive line coach.  Coach Peese brought extensive experience to the position.  His shoes will be hard to fill. 

                -Rotation of the front seven.  There is a lot of depth along the front line and in the linebacking core.  Not everyone who deserves reps will get as many as they would like/deserve.  Will this lead to bad attitudes?  Will it become a distraction?

                -In addition to the departures of the entire secondary, the front seven is replacing team captains Christian Cox and Sealver Siliga, along with Juinor Tuione and Chad Mannis.    

                Why Utah’s defense SHOULD be BETTER this year than it was last year……

                -Keith McGil.  We have been hearing great things about this guy for a long time and now we get to see how much of it is for real.  I refuse to hype a guy up before he has played a down, but Keith McGil is the closest thing to a sure fire star that you can get.  Keith is a REAL free safety, something the team  did not have last year and something which the defensive scheme relies on.  Justin Taplin-Ross was a pretty good strong safety.  He was merely adequate as a free safety.  He would have been better suited to being the guy who drills people over the middle, but the team just did not have a better option.  The lack of a real free safety put too much pressure on the corners, which led to some deep balls getting through. IF McGil can come in and be that Robert Johnson or Eric Weddle type presence, it will go a LONG way to helping the team defense.

                -Coverage.  Last year’s linebacking unit was not great at helping in coverage.  They got better as the year progressed, but not great.  This year, they add Brian Blechen at the stud position.  Brian’s experience in the secondary will add a lot to his ability to help in coverage.  Additionally, JJ Williams should hopefully be healthy, and that also adds to the coverage help. 

                -Another deep line/linebacking group.  Along the line, you will see Dave Kruger, Tevita Finau, David Rolf, James Aiono, Joape Pela, Star Lotulelei, LT Tuipulotu, Derrick Shelby, Joe Kruger, Eric Dago, Lei Talamaivo, and Latu Heimuli battle it out for reps.  Guys like D. Kruger, Aiono, Talamaivo, and Finau can play all the positions.  Others will be specialists at their spots. The linebackers are also deep. 

                -Right corner.  Lamar Chapman was excellent at getting a pass rush with his quickness, but at 5’8” he was physically overmatched.  This year, Ryan Lacey brings some more size and a little more sheer speed to the position.  He has seen some game action over the last couple years, so his adjustment period shouldn’t be too long.  Conroy Black replaces Burton on the other side.  Black and Lacey are the fastest players on the team.  Both are EXTREMELY competitive and take it personally when they get beat.  Having a roaming free safety will really help ease their burden.

                As the team enters the Pac-12, there are some growing pains ahead.  But the team is building some real depth and it should be fun to see this team grow together this season!